


We are stardust

by wintersxsoul



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Sam Wilson, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Is a Space Nerd, Canon Bisexual Character, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, Rough Sex, a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-10 10:12:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15947237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersxsoul/pseuds/wintersxsoul
Summary: Your favorite place on New York is a small coffee shop, what happens when one day you bump into a mysterious goth god and he keeps coming just to see you?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you love this as much as I do. I think it's going to be a short one, I don't know yet. Thank you for reading!! Feedback is always welcomed. Love you all!!

You could smell the pumpkin spices in the small cafeteria, the autumn colors filling the empty streets. You’ve been going to the same place since you moved to New York almost five years ago, because it reminded you of your childhood. You missed Spain sometimes, but this city was your home, you had built your own life away from your parents’ wishes and plans. You were happy being an artist living with your three best friends. Nat and Wanda were the kind of friends that pushed you to do whatever crazy thing they had in mind, while Marie was just like you, an indoor art nerd.

You sat on your usual spot, your tea cup almost empty and all your drawing stuff splayed on the little table. The small bell on the door rang, indicating that someone entered the cafe, but you didn’t even lift your head from your drawing. An hour later, you stood up to order another tea, when a deep laugh made you spin your head and stare directly to a very handsome stranger, who was speaking to someone on the phone. He was wearing a black turtleneck, with dark jeans and combat boots and he had a leather jacket hanging on his chair. He had long hair and a perfectly trimmed beard, but what caught your attention was his baby blue eyes.

 _You should really stop staring, you’re being weird and rude._ You shook your head, trying to focus on something else while you waited to order. _But look at those ocean eyes, ugh._

“Y/N, your order is ready.” You nodded at the barista and gave him the money. You sat again at your table and continued with your drawing, his laugh echoed again in the small place and you decided to plug in your headphones, you really needed to finish this commission.

After your third tea and a huge pain in your back, the drawing was done. You stretched your body and packed all the stuff back in your bag, you stood up and turned to the door, but you bumped into something. _FUCK ME. ****_ __ __ __ ** __** __ __You said that out loud.

 

“Excuse me?” The goth god asks you, grinning, and at that moment you wanted the earth to swallow you. 

“I’m sorry, I haven’t seen you and it just slipped out. Sorry.” You fixed your bag in your shoulder and walked towards the door, hearing a deep chuckle behind you, making you blush even harder.

 

As you approached your building, you found yourself thinking about the stranger’s laugh and blue eyes. _You need to get laid, girl._

  


Bucky saw you the moment he set foot in the cafe. You were deeply immersed in what seemed to be a drawing, you didn’t even flinch when the bell rang. He found himself staring at you, trying to remember every small detail of your face, how you placed the pencil between your lips while you frowned, focused, or how you tapped your fingers at the rhythm of the song you were playing in your phone. He felt drawn to you, intrigued even. He really wanted to approach your table and talk to you, but he was on his phone talking to Steve, who was abroad at that moment, so he only had that time to call him.

 

After a week, you realized the goth god was always at the same corner of the cafe and he always left right after you. The first day that happened you thought it was a coincidence, but after the second day you felt like he was doing it on purpose, and of course, after telling your friends, they agreed with you.

So here you were, a week after seeing him for the first time, drawing him in your sketchbook. He was reading a book and his expression was relaxed, he had his sunglasses at the top of his head, so his hair didn’t get on the way. He was wearing a black hoodie and grey sweatpants, and he still looked like a fucking god. It was rude to be that gorgeous, honestly. _Very rude._ You were finishing the drawing, and thought about approaching his table and give it to him, but it felt weird. You stared at him for a little longer, trying to remember his face and expressions, when he looked up from his book and stared right back to you, his blue eyes piercing yours. You smiled at him and giggled when you saw his face turning into a deep red. He smiled back at you and continued reading his NASA book, so you went back to your drawing.

You were sipping your tea, looking at the sketch in front of you and feeling satisfied, you were able to portray him like you wanted to, and you loved it. Once your cup was empty, you packed all your stuff and stood up, ready to go to his table to finally speak to him and give him the drawing, but your plans were doomed the moment your phone rang. It was Marie.

 

She called you crying because her boss fired her, and she didn’t know what to do. Marie was your childhood best friend, she moved to New York with you because she also wanted to study in the NYU. She was working for a shitty company but it paid the bills, but now she felt lost. You headed out of the cafe almost running, leaving behind the drawing with a note, knowing that he was looking at you.

 

As soon as you left, Bucky stood up and went to your table, knowing you left something there. His eyes widened when he stared at the paper in front of him, he took it to look closer at it, and saw that there was something written on the other side. He flipped the paper and smiled like an idiot.

 

_“I hope this is the push we both need to finally have a drink together, astronaut. By the way, you look pretty cute today, I couldn’t resist myself anymore. Y/N. ”_

 

He thought he was dreaming, you also seemed interested in him and that made his heart beat faster, he couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

 

But tomorrow never came. After two weeks, you never went back to the cafe, and he thought maybe you were trying to avoid him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so inspired I couldn't help myself but write chapter 2. All mistakes are mine because well, I am a mess.

Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about you, he just found himself every day walking towards the coffee shop with the hope that he would finally see you. But day after day, for almost two weeks, he found your spot empty. All he had from you was your drawing and your name, and even though he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to know it from you, not by asking around.

_ Today is the day _ , he told himself while he entered the small coffee shop, today he was asking the barista about you. He waited for his turn to order, fidgeting at his rings, trying to ease his nerves. He spoke to Steve earlier that day and he encouraged Bucky to ask about you, he couldn’t stop worrying about the fact that you just disappeared in a rush. 

Steve was somewhere in Europe with his boyfriend and best friend Sam, they both worked very hard and decided to take a break for three months, to just be tourists.

“Next.” The barista shouted, and to Bucky, it felt like a bucket of ice cold water.  _ Come on dude, you can do this.  _ The barista looked unbothered by his nervousness, he read her name tag and cleared his throat.

“Hello, Susan. I would like to have a black coffee, please.” He smiled at her, trying to make her feel comfortable, she blushed and smiled back. She prepared the coffee and asked him if he needed anything else.

“Actually, I need to ask you a favor.” He placed a strand of hair behind his ear and ran his hand through his hair. “Do you know the girl that sits in that table?” He asked, pointing with his hand towards your usual spot. Susan’s expression fell for a second, she thought maybe he was hitting on her or something.

“Y/n? Yes, she’s lives with my friend Marie.” She cleared her throat, awkwardly. “Why you asking?” She smiled and he returned the gesture.

“She’s here everyday, and last time I saw her was two weeks ago, I don’t know if something happened or if she’s just avoiding me, if it’s the last option, I wanna know. I don’t want to bother her anymore.” Susan nodded, understanding what Bucky was saying, and she took her phone.

“Look, the only thing I can do is give you Marie’s number, so you can contact her and do whatever she tells you.” She wrote the phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to Bucky, he smiled and thank her, and went to his usual spot.

 

You didn’t want to be here. You hated the judging glares all your relatives gave you, but it was your brother’s wedding, you had to be here for him. You haven’t been to Spain since you left five years ago, and the only thing you missed from your country was your brother and your mother. They’ve always been supportive about the fact that you wanted to live abroad,  especially your brother, he understood your feeling of wanting to go away. He looked so happy at his wedding and so in love with his now husband, you were really relieved he finally found someone who could love him and cherish him like he deserved. 

You were strolling through your hometown, when your phone started to ring. It was Marie, so you took the call. “ _I_ _hope everything’s alright_.” You told yourself before hearing her voice.

“Hey bitch! How is everything?” You start explaining her about the wedding and all the fights you had with your dad’s family, they were exhausting. She told you that she found a new job and she was very happy. 

“So, the reason why I called is because 10 minutes ago, I received a strange text.” You sighed, thinking that maybe it was her ex trying to reach her again.

“Who it was, Marie?”

“Okay, don’t freak out. You remember the goth god from the coffee shop, right? Well so apparently, after two weeks waiting for you to meet him there, he freaked out thinking you were avoiding him and asked Susan about you.”  _ WHAT _ .  _ WHAT. Okay breathe. _

“Y/n? You’re still with me?” You nodded like an idiot, thinking that maybe she saw you telepathically. Marie cleared her throat, waiting for an answer.

“Yeah yeah, I was freaking out internally, sorry.  **QUÉ COJONES TIA** ? _ (what the fuck girl?) _ ”  You shouted in Spanish, and an old lady that was in front of you turned around, shaking her head disappointed because of your potty mouth. 

“Okay so what happened next? What did he tell you?”  _ Breathe, Y/n, it’s just a guy.  _

“Susan told me about him. He just asked me if you were okay and if he could have your phone number.” Long pause. Marie’s long pauses meant nothing good.

“Marie...tell me you didn’t.” She giggled and muttered a yes, before she hung up she told me she loved me and she was too young to die. You shook your head, and kept walking. You stopped when you felt the need to go to the beach and sit in the sand, so that’s what you did. You used to adore this beach, it was your special spot when you needed the tranquility. Watching the birds fly away, the waves breaking in the shore and the sea breeze was all you needed when you felt uneasy. It was 8 P.M. so you stayed to watch the sunset, and smiled thinking about what Marie told you about the mysterious guy. You felt bad when you left like that the day Marie called you, but the following days were a mess and you totally forgot about your note, then you had to fly to Spain and well, after two stressful weeks, you let yourself think about him. He asked about you and was worried that you were avoiding him,  _ oh my god, he can’t get any better _ . But you were wrong, your thoughts were cut off by the sound of an incoming message. Your heart skipped a beat when you opened the notification.

 

Unknown number:  _ Hello, I’m the astronaut, but you can call me Bucky, if you want to. I assume, by Marie’s messages, she told you what happened. I was just worried about you but I also thought you were ignoring me, and I didn’t want you to stop going to the coffee shop because of me. I hope everything is alright and sorry for bothering you. _

 

You smiled and read the message again, and again. Unbelievable. You sighed and started typing your answer.

 

Y/N:  _ Hey astronaut!! Sorry I left like that, I actually wanted to talk to you but Marie needed me, I had a stressful week and right now I’m in my country for my brother’s wedding. I would never avoid anyone as sweet as you, I’m not that crazy. Yet. _

 

Bucky opened the message as soon as he heard his phone notifying him. He chuckled when he read the message and sighed relieved. You were away, not avoiding him. He wanted to keep texting you, but he didn’t want to bother you if you were with your family, so he was thinking what he could answer. Then another message entered.

Y/N:  _ I leave Spain tonight, and I’ll need a full day to recover from the jet lag and the stress, so maybe we can meet for that coffee in two days?  _

 

Bucky’s eyes widened and he let out a small oh my god. He immediately phoned Steve to tell him what happened, and after 10 minutes, he realized he didn’t answer. Oops.

  
Goth God:  _ Nothing would make me happier. I’ll see you in two days, preciosa. _ _ (gorgeous) _


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy my inspiration while it lasts. Thank you so much for your support and comments and kudos, you make all my uwus jump out.

“Girls, I’m not sure about this anymore...What if it’s too much?” You were pacing your room nervously, while Nat, Wanda and Marie looked at you from your bed. You were sure about the “ _ date _ ”, but maybe putting so much effort in it was too much. The girls convinced you to wear a dress, makeup and even high heeled boots, even though you knew you looked cute, it didn’t feel like the real you. You loved your sweaters and jeans, and felt more confident wearing combat boots or converse, since you were a little bit clumsy. 

“If you don’t like the outfit, just change it.” Marie said, knowing what you were thinking and feeling. Wanda and Nat agreed with her, so you nodded and changed. Your drawers were a mess, but you found your favorite sweater and honestly, it fit perfectly for the occasion. 

After changing the outfit and removing some makeup, you were ready to go.

“Y/n, you look perfect!” Wanda hugged you before you reached Nat and Marie to hug them both to say goodbye. 

“Be careful, and stay safe! You have some condoms in your bag. Enjoy!” Nat shouted as you were closing the apartment’s door. You blushed and looked in your bag, the three condoms seemed to be staring at you, judging your thoughts.  _ Fucking Nat, one day you’ll kill her.  _

You knew you were two hours early, but you had to finish a commission and brought your laptop to finish a chapter of the new book you were working in. And yeah, you also needed to relax a little bit, you didn’t want him to think you were boo boo the fool.  _ Which you are. _

You entered the coffee shop and the smell of cinnamon and carrot cake filled all your senses. It was a rainy day, but the place was as empty as always. You approached the counter and ordered your tea and a piece of carrot cake, and once you had it all paid, you sat on your usual spot. After 40 minutes or so, you were done with your drawing so you opened your laptop and started typing.

 

Bucky spent the two following days after texting you thinking and planning what to say when he finally had you in front of him, all the possible case scenarios playing in his mind over and over, but he wasn’t prepared to what was going to happen. 

He was wearing a grey sweater, with his favorite black jeans and his black combat boots. He had a long day at work, so he had close to no time to plan his outfit, so he just wore the first thing that popped into mind. 

He was about to enter the coffee shop, when he stopped dead in his tracks and looked through the windows. You were sitting at your spot, with your headphones plugged in your laptop and very focused on your task. He took his phone out and texted Steve.

 

**Bucky** :  _ I can’t do this, punk. _

 

He looked again at you and sighed, you looked beautiful. You had a messy bun, strands of hair tucked behind your ear, round vintage glasses and a dark red lipstick. You were wearing a black sweater with grey mom jeans and combat boots, and Bucky smiled looking down at his own outfit. _What a coincidence._ You were sipping from your cup and reading something very carefully, frowning. He was startled by his phone ringing loudly in his hand, and sighed when he saw who was calling. He took the call and before he could open his mouth, Steve started talking.

“You jerk, I swear if you don’t go into that coffee shop, I’ll leave Vienna right now and kick your ass.” Bucky wanted to say something back, but Steve hung up before he could even think about what to say.

He noticed that you were now speaking on your phone and you seemed quite angry, so he thought maybe it wasn’t the perfect time to interrupt you. He entered the shop and went to the counter, ordering his black coffee. Bucky overheard you, but couldn’t understand a single word, since you were speaking in Spanish.

“Estoy cansada de que menospreciéis mi trabajo constantemente. ¿No es suficiente el saber que soy feliz, mamá?” _ (I'm tired of you constantly belittling my work. Isn’t it enough to know that I am happy, mom?).  _ Bucky approached you slowly, and smiled timidly at you when you made eye contact, he sat down in front of you and waited patiently for you to finish your conversation.

“Mira mamá, no quiero que me llames en una temporada, porfavor. Te dejo que estoy trabajando. Adiós.” ( _ Look mom, I don’t want you to call me for a while, please. I have to hung up, I’m working. Good bye.) _ You placed your phone on the table and closed the laptop, without looking at Bucky. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves and looked at his eyes.

“I’m so sorry. It was my mother.” You sighed and he seemed to be waiting for you to speak again. “Anyway, I’ve got something for you.” 

Bucky’s eyes widened and he stared at you, confused. Before he could ask the question he was trying to form on his mind, you handed him an envelope.

“My brother is a huge space nerd and he had this at home, so I asked him where he got it because I thought of you.” You explained while he opened the present and his jaw dropped. 

“It’s the stellar map of my hometown.” You didn’t know what else to say, and he seemed to be tongueless. Bucky blinked and tore his eyes away from the map to look at you.

“I really don’t know what to say.” Million thoughts crossed Bucky’s mind, it was the cutest thing someone has ever done to him, and you didn’t even know him at all. He suddenly felt a pang of anxiety, worried that he might disappoint you.

“Well, thank you first of all. I can’t believe you really thought of me.” He smiled at you, his big blue eyes bored into yours. You blushed and broke eye contact, suddenly feeling the need to pack your laptop and drawing stuff into your bag. You remembered you had your hair tied up and your glasses on, you were so caught up in your work and then your mother’s call, you totally forgot to look decent.  _ Fuck it now, to be honest.  _

Bucky cleared his throat nervously, he was so confused by his own actions. He never acted so shy when he was with a woman, not even in his teenage years. He wanted to ask you so many things, to know everything about you. Your eyes  glanced up to the ceiling, a bright smile forming on your lips. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat at the sight. It was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. “ _ I hope you don’t break my heart” _ , he thought, still looking at you.

“What is it, doll?” You looked back at Bucky, still smiling.  _ What are the odds _ ? 

“The song, can you hear it?” He nodded, his lips curving up into a smile. The song that was playing in the shop was never on the radio and it wasn’t a very popular song, so maybe it was a sign, it couldn’t be a coincidence.  _ It’s not a coincidence. _

“It’s my favorite song. When I was younger, I used to play it all the time.” You were still smiling, a lot of memories crossing your mind. You started humming and Bucky giggled.

“Hey, don’t laugh at me.” You chuckled, and he shook his head.

“You’re too cute. What’s the name of the song?” You blushed and started twisting a strand of hair that fell from your bun. You realized you felt very comfortable with him, it really felt like you knew each other, even though you didn’t even know his full name.

“Between the bars by Elliott Smith.” 

You spent hours talking about everything. He ran with his sister, Becca, an antique shop in Brooklyn, their parents left it for them after they died. You told him you had a book published and you were currently writing a new one, that you also worked as a freelance artist and your family didn’t approve. You discovered you had a lot of things in common, like mythology and history. You also discovered you loved the sound of his smile and the way his eyes lit up every time he spoke about space. What you didn’t know is that he felt the same way.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am super inspired so let's all enjoy it while it lasts!

Neither of you dared to ask if it really was a date or not. It really felt like one, and after hours of sharing information and sweet smiles, Bucky asked you out. 

 

Bucky stared at his phone, not knowing who to call first, you or Steve. _ I guess I need the advice _ . He sighed and called his friend. Steve answered the call immediately, worried that maybe your first official encounter had gone wrong. They’ve been friends since they were kids, always together. Sam and him were now somewhere around Romania, they would probably come home in a month or so. Bucky explained Steve the “date”, and his feelings towards you.

“I don’t know, pal. She’s something else. I’ve never felt so shy or clumsy around a woman.” He heard Sam chuckle. 

“Aww Barnes, that’s sweet. Someone is finally softening you.” Sam laughed now, and Bucky heard movement and an “ouch.” He rolled his eyes, knowing that Steve elbowed Sam, warning him to stop joking.

“Buck, don’t push this one away, like you did with Dot.” Bucky’s face fell, his expression saddening. “I know it’s hard for you to trust in someone else’s feelings, but give it a try. You just take things slow, get to know her and let her in.” Steve sighed heavily. “Whatever happens, I hope you know I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.” 

“I know Stevie, I swear I’ll try. I’m taking her out tomorrow and I thought about taking her to…”

 

“NAT!” You shouted you friend’s name as soon as you opened the door of your shared apartment. “I AM KILLING YOU.”

You stormed into her room, finding your three best friends snuggling together in the bed watching a movie, crying their eyes out. You sighed and rolled your eyes.  _ These stupid bitches are at it again.  _

“Are you really watching  **again** _ Call me by your name _ ? You are the worst.” Nat looked at you, a mischievous grin on her stupid and beautiful face.  _ Ugh _ .

“How was it?” Marie stopped the movie before asking you, and Wanda shot you a wide smile, showing her perfect white teeth.  _ They look like models even when they’re on their pajamas and without makeup.  _

“Well, it was very nice.” You left your bag in the desk, took off your boots and snuggled next to Marie, resting your head in her shoulder. “Until  **Nat’s** condoms fell from my bag when I was looking for my phone.” You spat out, the deep embarrassment you felt and Bucky’s expression replaying in your head.  _ Poor boy.  _ You felt the need to explain him why you had them and he understood you, telling you that he had a friend, Sam, that did similar stuff to him. Natasha laughed, and you shot her a deathly glare. _ If looks could kill... _

“So, who is this mysterious guy and when are you meeting again?” Wanda asked, and Marie started stroking strands of your hair, the bun already down.

“His name is James Barnes, he co-owns an antique shop in Brooklyn, he likes black coffee and is a space nerd. He is sweet, funny, hot as hell but also cute as fuck. And he asked me out, so we’re meeting again tomorrow.” You closed your eyes, the stress of the day fading away, sighing content as Marie braided some strands of your hair.

“Tomorrow?” Nat asked. “Where are you going?” Marie continued with the questions. You knew they were acting like this because the last time you dated, didn’t go well. The girl was very sweet and caring, but she was in a relationship. She told you she was not happy and her partner was slowly drifting away from her, but she was scared to leave the relationship, and that killed yours. She promised things she knew she would never give you.

“He’s picking me up here, he told me it was a surprise. So I really don’t have a clue.” You stood up, took your bag and boots and left to your room. “I’m going to write a little bit more and I’ll go to bed. Love you, girls.”

 

You tore your eyes away from the screen to look at the nightstand clock.  _ 3 A.M., great.  _ You pushed your glasses up and rubbed your eyes, yawning. You finished the chapter you were working on and closed the laptop. Your phone buzzed, and you glanced at it, confused.  _ Who could it be this late?  _

 

“Bucky?” You muttered to the silent room. You opened the message, still confused but excited at the same time.

 

 **Goth God:** _Hey doll, can’t sleep thinking about you._

 **Goth God:** _Ugh I hope it’s not creepy. I wanted to sound cute._

**Goth God** :  _ Are you awake? _

 

You giggled reading his texts, he was way too cute to be real.

 

**Y/N:** _ Yeah, just finished writing a chapter. Can’t stop thinking about you either ;) _

**Y/N:** _ Btw, I really should know where we are going. I need to pick a cute outfit to impress you, you know. _

**Y/N:** _ And at what time are you picking me up?  _

 

Bucky’s heart skipped a beat, you were flirting with him. He smiled at the screen, and typed his answer, without even thinking about it.

 

 **Goth God:** _I'm sure you would impress me even by wearing a garbage bag as a dress. But you don’t need to wear anything fancy, it’s a casual date. And I’ll pick you up at 5 P.M._

**Goth God:** _ You looked beautiful today, I love how the glasses look on you. _

 

You blushed, shaking your head and giggling.  _ What a dork.  _ You were about to answer, when an image popped in the screen. 

You were shocked, your eyes almost popping out of their sockets.  _ He framed the fucking drawing and placed it on his nightstand.  _

 

**Y/N:** _ You- _

**Y/N:** _ I need a moment.  _

**Y/N:** _ YOU FRAMED THE FUCKING DRAWING? _

 

Bucky laughed reading your messages and looked at the frame next to him, smiling fondly. The morning after you gave it to him, he took a vintage frame from the shop and took it home. He was so shocked that you took the time to draw him, to actually notice him and all his details, and the note you wrote, it was just too much.

 

 **Goth God:** _Of course I did. I look very handsome._

**Goth God:** _ I’m going to sleep, I work early tomorrow. Can’t wait to see you, good night. _

 

Your heart was beating so fast you thought it was about to leave your body. You smiled, reading the last text he sent you. You clutched your phone tightly to your chest and fell asleep, thinking of his smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the angst starts I guess

Normally, you went to the coffee shop to work, but today you needed the tranquility of your room. All the girls were working, so you had the apartment for yourself, and that meant a bubble bath with classical music and facial masks. The lavender scent filled the bathroom, calming your nerves for today’s date. 

You texted Bucky as soon as you had your breakfast to tell him how excited you were, but he didn’t answer, probably because he was at work.  You were writing, humming a song you’ve heard on the radio, when Bucky’s notification tone popped.  _Yes, he had a special tone_. You took your phone as fast as you could and unlocked the screen.

**Goth God:** _Don’t have lunch, we’ll have an early dinner. Can’t wait to see you in only…omg, one hour!!_

To say you were nervous was an understatement, the fact that he kept everything a mystery was killing you. You hopped off your bed and rushed to the closet, pulling the doors so hard you thought you were gonna rip them off. You chose your checked trousers, with a turtleneck mustard sweater and your black high top converse. You did a half-up bun and applied some mascara. Before you could even realize, you were waiting for Bucky to pick you up.After driving for 15 minutes, Bucky stopped in front of a huge building in the upper east side, in Manhattan. You looked at him, astonished, and someone approached the car. Bucky rolled down the window and spoke to the boy.“Hello sir, which apartment is yours?” The boy seemed nervous, you thought that it could be his first day working. Whatever his job was. Bucky searched for a paper in his wallet and showed it to the boy, who nodded and stepped aside. “This is our stop, doll.” He looked at you and smiled, easing your nerves a bit. He hopped off the car and gave the keys to the boy, and before you could open your door, he opened it for you.  _Wow, what a gentleman_. You stepped out of the car and took his hand in yours, letting him lead the way. Once you were in the luxurious lobby, he went straight to the elevator.

“Bucky do you live here?” The place was marvelous, floors and columns made of white and grey marble, as the reception desk. It was decorated with plants of all kinds, the green contrasting with the white. “No, my best friend Steve and his boyfriend Sam live here. They own the penthouse.” He cleared his throat, and took a strand of hair out of your face. You looked at him with your Bambi eyes and he swore he saw galaxies in them.

“Are we going on a double date?” You asked him, confused. He smiled and shook his head, entering the elevator.  _Ugh, no kissing scene in the elevator, please. Such a cliché._

“No, they are travelling Europe, right now they are in Romania.” He pushed the penthouse button, it was going to be a long way up. “Steve lend me the keys and I asked him if I could bring you here today.”He gave your hand a little squeeze, he could feel your nerves as his own. He bore his eyes into yours.

“You look stunning, Y/n.” You broke eye contact and blushed, but before you could say anything, your phone rang. 

“Fuck, who the fuck is calling?” You rummaged through your bag looking for your phone.  _This is a joke._

“Mamá, ¿qué quieres?”  _(mom, what do you want?)._  Why the fuck was she calling, if you told her to fucking stop calling. Your mother sighed and told you she just wanted to know how you were.

“Estoy bien.” _(I’m fine)._  You clicked your tongue and let out a loud huff. “Mamá, estoy en una cita y me parece incorrecto estar hablando por teléfono.”  _(Mom, I’m on a date and I think it’s rude to be on the phone.)_

“Vale, hija. Disfruta.”  _(Okay, daughter. Enjoy.)._  She hung up before you could say anything else. Bucky was looking at you with a worried expression. He already knew it was your mother.

“You okay?” He asked you, letting go of your hand to give you some personal space.

“Yes, don’t worry. She’s just…so confusing.” You rested your head in his arm, since he was too tall for you to reach his shoulder. The elevator reached the top floor and as the doors opened, you were taken aback by the size of the penthouse.

“Come on doll, there’s a place I gotta show you.” He took your hand and lead you to the terrace, possibly with the best views of all New York. It was a breathtaking sight and you found yourself smiling like an idiot. You let go of Bucky’s hand and reached the glass balustrade, looking at the city you grew so fond of.  

 

_She was the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. She was swaying her hips to the soft music that the bar was playing. You loved how her long, copper hair moved to another rhythm only she seemed to know. Nat and Wanda dragged you and Marie to the bar with the excuse that summer started. You still remember how her lips felt against yours, how intoxicating the feeling was. That night, and many other nights, she told you she was single. All lies. You could’ve been happy together, but her lies and broken promises buried your love for her._

_She told you her relationship was doomed after their second anniversary, she lied to you saying that her partner manipulated her to keep her tied close, but it was all the way round. You read the texts she sent to her “Baby Boo” by accident one day. She was making the other person responsible for her own acts and she even said: “You’re just too damn hard to love”. After that, you knew she was cheating and lying to both of you, so you left her, even though she told you she gained the courage to leave her old relationship behind._

_What she left behind were two broken hearts._

Bucky cleared his throat, startling you. You looked behind you to see that he had prepared a table with candles and flowers, food and some white wine. You knew you had a sad expression, but he didn’t push you to say anything, he just thought you were upset because of your mother. You approached his side and hugged him, breathing in his musky scent. He gave your head a small kiss and hugged you back.

****After eating the dinner Bucky prepared, you were paying full attention to his rant about Pluto not being a planet, the importance planets and satellites had in humans and about stars. You realized you loved spending time just listening to his sweet voice and contemplating how his eyes lit up when he glanced at the sky while explaining something. You looked at the skyline, the buildings’ windows reflecting the golden light from the sunset, the clouds were turning pink and orange. Bucky was silent, admiring how the golden light hit you, making your skin glow. You were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. You glanced at Bucky and caught him staring at you, you shot him a shy smile and leaned into his shoulder.

“I haven’t felt this peaceful in a very long time. Thank you so much for this, Bucky.” He was staring at the buildings, and he clenched his jaw at your words. You frowned, worried that maybe you have said something wrong or maybe he didn’t feel the same way. Right before you could say or do something, he hold your hand and looked at you, his face mere inches away from yours. 

“Y/n…” He whispered your name, and to you, it sounded like a prayer. You nodded slowly, leaning in, brushing your lips against his. Bucky closed his eyes and sighed, his breath tickling your lips, the scent of wine and him filling all your senses. He pulled away abruptly, his eyes scanning yours. You cupped his face with your hand, caressing his cheek with your thumb. He placed his hand on top of yours and leaned into the touch. 

“Are you real?” He asked you, his voice was almost a whisper, looking at you like you were a miracle. You smiled softly and nodded, whispering him that you were real.

He leaned in once more, your eyes shutting closed at his proximity. His lips were soft against yours, a shiver running down your spine as soon as he placed his hand at the back of your head, pulling you even closer to him. Bucky’s heart was pounding, matching your own. You ran your hand through his locks, tugging slightly. He moaned into your mouth, your tongues dancing around each other, both of you determined to deepening the kiss. In a shift movement you were sitting on his lap, his hands resting on your hips to steady you. You moved your leg so now you were straddling him, feeling his arousal on your inner thigh, making you even wetter. You rocked your hips, trying to get some friction, but Bucky pulled away, both of your chests rising and falling heavily.

“We should go.” Bucky said, his voice hoarse. You nodded rapidly, helping him clean the dinner plates and leaving the penthouse. 

 

Twenty minutes later, you were storming into Bucky’s apartment, your lips crashing together once more, both of you feeling like that’s where you belonged. Bucky pinned you against a wall, lifting your legs and you tangled them on his waist. He pulled away from your lips, leaving wet kisses down your jawline and neck, sucking and biting at the sweet spot on your neck, probably leaving marks. You moaned and tugged at his hair once more, this time harder, making Bucky growl. He moved you to another wall, pushing you so hard against it that a frame fell.

You started laughing and he followed, he lowered you to the ground and you sat on the floor, taking the frame that fell and looking at the group photo.

You felt your blood icing in your veins, your whole body shaking uncontrollably, a lump forming in your throat.  _This couldn’t be happening._

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” You heard Bucky’s voice, but it was far away from were you where. You shook your head, trying to deny what was going to happen. You cleared your throat and tried to control your voice.

“Bu-Bucky, please tell me Dot is just a friend.” He looked at you confused and shook his head, your whole world trembling at your feet. You ruined Bucky’s relationship, you helped Dot break his heart.

You started sobbing uncontrollably, feeling a strong pain in your chest. You felt how your heart was breaking all over again, for Bucky.

He sat down next to you, pulling you close to his chest, stroking your hair until you calmed.

After ten minutes, the tears were gone, and all that was left was a numbing pain. Bucky waited patiently for you to speak, worried was not the right word to express how he was feeling at that moment.

“Bucky, Dot and I…We…” You gulped. “I’m the reason your relationship ended.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut, rough sex and yeah.

Bucky held back the tears that were threatening to fall. He stared blankly at you, not knowing what to say or what to do. He was still holding you tight, stroking your hair, trying to calm you down. _ It’s okay _ , he repeated himself over and over again, he didn’t want to assume things before you got the chance to explain yourself. 

Bucky knew how Dot was, he knew she was a liar, manipulative, mean and selfish. He started to push her away because he felt awkward with her, she said he wasn’t the person she fell in love with, that she was in love with someone else. Dot broke his heart like no one else ever did, but holding you crying like you were in his arms, he felt a new kind of heartbreak. 

“I-I’m so sorry...I- I...” You didn’t know what to say, you just wanted the pain to fade, his pain to fade. 

“Please, say something.” You whispered. _Please, hate me._ You wanted him to be angry at you, to kick you out of his house, and instead of that, he was comforting you.

Bucky sighed, pushing you away from his chest, so he could look at your face. His expression was tender, but you could see the pain and the betrayal in his ocean eyes. You gulped and leaned on the wall, moving away from Bucky’s embrace. He was looking at you, waiting for you to explain yourself.

 

“I met her last summer, in a bar. We started flirting and it just happened. She told me she was in a relationship in september, when I was already in love.” You felt a shiver running down your spine when Bucky’s expression shifted, tears falling at the corner of his eyes. “She told me her relationship was already broken, that she was being manipulated so she stayed. Once I read by accident a text everything clicked. You were fighting because she was blaming you for shit she did. When she…” You gulped, the next words hitting Bucky like the first time he heard them. “When she told you, you were too hard to love, I knew she was the one manipulating the both of us.” Bucky placed a hand on your knee with such a tenderness, you wanted to just disappear. _ You don’t deserve this after all you’ve done to him.  _

“I left her on november, and she begged me not to leave her. She begged me to stay, after all she did. She had the audacity to tell me she dumped you for me.” You let out an anxious laugh, shaking your head. “I haven’t seen her ever since.”

Bucky was looking at you, he hated the fact that you blamed yourself for something you had no control over.

“Listen, doll…” He gulped, and cupped your face gently, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “It was  **not** your fault. She lied and manipulated the two of us. She hurt you as much as she hurt me. Stop blaming yourself.” 

Your lower lip started to tremble, tears running down your cheeks. You couldn’t believe how someone could ever hurt Bucky, he was such an angel. He wiped away your tears and kissed your eyelids. He slowly pulled away and locked his eyes in yours. You huffed, pissed at him for being so sweet. You needed him to be mad at you, so your guilt could dissipate a bit.

“Can you please stop doing that?” You spat at him and his body stiffened. His expression changed from confusion to anger.  _ Finally _ .

“What do you want me to do, Y/n? You want me to hate you because Dot dumped me to be with you?” He stood up and you mirrored his actions, your body still pressed against the wall since you felt more secure that way, afraid that maybe your legs could fail you.

“You want me to hate you for being so innocent you fell for her lies? Is that what you want to hear?” He approached you, standing mere inches away from you, making you feel small. 

“Yes, Bucky. That’s what I need  **you** to fucking do.” You said, shoving a finger at his chest and he immediately gripped both your wrists above your head, pinning you to the wall with his body, his lips brushing your ear.

“I’ve already lost so much because of Dot, I won’t lose you too.” He let go of your hands and you ran your fingers through his soft, disheveled hair from the previous make-out session. You pushed him towards you, and tiptoed to crash your lips to his. He grabbed your hair and yanked down, deepening the kiss. 

You rocked your hips forward and he grabbed your ass hardly, making you moan on his mouth. You bit his lower lip and started trailing kisses down his jaw and neck. He pulled away, you looked at his eyes, full of desire. You approached him once more, looking at him like he was prey. He wet his lip with his tongue and smirked, making you press your legs together, looking for some friction.

“Are you sure about this, doll?” He asked, his lips brushing yours when he spoke. 

“Take me to your fucking bed, Barnes.” He pinned you against the wall again with his lips on yours, running his hands up your thighs and pulling your legs up to place them at his sides, carrying you to his bedroom. 

Bucky lowered your body to the bed, his weight on top of you pinning you down. You felt Bucky’s dick pressing against your wet entrance through layers of clothes. You undressed each other harshly, your lace panties ripped.  

You flipped him so you were on top, straddling him. You lowered your head to kiss him, hungry and feral. 

His hand travelled down your body, stopping at your aroused pussy. He circled your clit with his thumb, making you moan his name. 

“You’re so wet, doll.” He said brushing your ear, sending another wave of arousal through you. You gripped his cock, already leaking in pre-cum, and gave it a few strokes before running it through your folds, coating him in your wetness. You slowly sank down on him, your mouth opening at the feeling of Bucky’s cock stretching you out so good. He let out a guttural groan, your name falling from his lips like a prayer, and that was your queue to start rocking your hips in a slow pace.

With a snarl, Bucky gripped your hips firmly, probably leaving bruises, and started thrusting into you harshly, making your head spin.

“Oh my god, baby. So good.” You managed to say between moans. His grip tighten, a sting of pain adding to your building pleasure. 

Bucky felt your walls clenching around his cock, so he snapped harder and faster, finally reaching your release, crying out his name. 

He pulled out and flipped you, so you were on your fours. He gave your ass a few strong slaps, making you cry out in pleasure. He ran his cock through your aroused hole, making you shiver in anticipation.

“Barnes, don’t fucking tease.” You said between clenched teeth. He gripped your hips and pushed into you in a swift movement, making you tumble forwards. He pick up a slow but hard pace, making you see stars, hitting you in your g-spot.

He ran one hand through your back until he reached your neck, curving his hand around it and pulling your body, pressing your back against his toned chest. 

“You like how my cock feels in you? So good for me.” He whispered in your ear, pressing wet kisses down to your neck. 

“Baby, harder.” When Bucky heard your choked out words, full of want and desire, something inside him snapped.

He pressed your body to the window that was at the head of the bed, his hand pressed against it as well to steady him. 

The cold glass made your nipples stiffen and goosebumps erupt on your skin. You moaned and cursed, Bucky’s pace becoming more feral and harsh.  _ You won’t be able to walk tomorrow.  _

You were so close, you could feel tears welling in your eyes, the painful pleasure unbearable, your whole body screaming for release.

“James, joder, más fuerte!!”  _ (fuck, harder).  _ Bucky let out a loud groan and hit you even harder, the bed trembling beneath you. You could only hear his moans, the sound of skin against skin and his commanding voice, ordering you to come.

“Come for me, doll. Come on.” Your hand landed on your clit, circling hard and fast, the action triggering the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had in your entire life. Bucky’s pace was becoming erratic, but harder and faster, and after a few more swift movements, he came inside you, spilling his seed in your abused pussy.

 

You both collapsed in the bed, waiting for your highs to pass.

 

“That was surreal.” You said, your voice barely audible. Bucky answered with a lazy “yeah” and pulled your body towards his, pulling the covers to cover your naked bodies. 

 

“Maybe I should go, babe.” You said, not really wanting to leave. 

Bucky propped on his elbow to look at your face and smiled, you looked perfect with your smudged makeup and your disheveled hair. He kissed you tenderly on the lips and pulled you even closer under the covers.

 

“Maybe, but not tonight.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the fluff and angst monster.

Was it scary to fall in love as fast and hard as you did in just a month? Fuck yes. But you couldn’t care less, he was an angel and an absolute dork. 

You were in the coffee shop, tea cup in one hand and your graphic tablet in the other, you were finally finishing the last commision of the week. 

You looked up and smiled at Bucky, who was sitting down in front of you, reading a book. He was flipping the pages delicately, his finger tapping gently the spine, his brow furrowed. He ran his hands through his hair and looked at you, immediately closing the book and holding your free hand.

“Are you okay?” He asked me, a little bit worried, probably because he was oblivious to what my expression meant.

“Yeah, just happy to be here with you.” You shot him a huge smile and he blushed, looking down at your intertwined fingers. After the night you both found out the truth about Dot, everything seemed to move forward way too fast. You felt better with yourself after lifting that weight off your shoulders, Bucky closed that page of his life and was ready to let you in, without any resentment towards you. You saw each other almost everyday, you spent a lot of sleepless nights having wild sex and talking about everything, past and future. You’ve learnt that he really was a space and NASA fan, he had a mug, books, shirts, three different caps, posters and he had in his apartment the “Observatory room”, which basically was a spare room he turned into an estudio and he even had a telescope. The ceiling was painted in a dark blue and had glow in the dark stars, forming constellations, the bookshelves were full and they had fairy lights. There was a white couch in a corner, with dark blue pillows and a side table, with a moon lamp on the center. It was one of your favorite places to be, after the coffee shop and his arms.

 

Bucky knew too well what he was feeling, but tried to deny it for a while. He thought he might scare you off if you found out he had fallen in love so fast. _ It's your fault, you can’t pretend I don’t fall when you’re so perfect,  _ he often found himself thinking while looking at you laugh, or focused on something you loved doing, or when you looked at him with those big eyes. 

“You wanna leave?” He asked you, looking at you with a glint in his eyes, smirking mischievously. You bit your lower lip, your panties already soaking wet. You nodded and stood up, packing everything and holding Bucky’s hand, leading him out to the cold rainy streets. 

 

You were laying in bed in just your panties, Bucky sound asleep next to you, your legs tangled and the sheets covering the bare minimum. The raindrops hit the window like a melody, the moonlight and the small lamp in the nightstand illuminating the room with a dim light. 

You grabbed your sketchbook and started doodling, plugging your phone to the speakers and played soft music. After an hour or so, your eyes were sore and teary cause of the lack of sleep, so you snuggled closer to Bucky and fell asleep.

 

The sunlight hit your bare back, showing all your freckles perfectly. Bucky knew most of them by heart, he studied them like they were his private constellations, stars dangling in his own universe. Your hair was scattered on the pillow and covering half of your face, he gently removed some strands from your face and gave you a kiss on the top of your head. You sighed in your sleep and squeezed the pillow. Bucky leaned on his side and began to caress with his fingertips your back, waking you up with a soft smile on your lips. 

“Good morning, beautiful.” His voice was still full of sleep, Sleeping At Last was still playing on the speakers, so neither of you heard the front door opening.

 

“GOOD MORNING, BUCKET!!” Someone stormed in the room shouting, but your half asleep brain didn’t allow you to even flinch.

“Who the fuck is Bucket?” You mumbled, pressing then your face to the pillow. The bed shifted, probably because someone sat down.

“Sorry, Buck. We didn’t know you had company.” Another voice said. You clutched the sheets to your chest to cover your boobs and sat down. Two huge men were staring at you, grinning. You knew they were Sam and Steve because Bucky showed you pictures of them, but seriously, photos didn’t pay justice to their godlike appearances.

“You must be Y/N.” Sam said and you smiled at him. Steve was silent, looking between you and Bucky, smiling like he just discovered fire. He sat down next to Sam in bed, and placed his hand on his knee.  _ C U T E _ .

“And you must be Sam. Thank you for the Bucket pun, not letting that one go, babe.” You said looking to your left, laughing at Bucky, who was glaring at Sam. He held his hands up in surrender, suppressing a laugh.

“You are not dead because Stevie loves you.” Steve now laughed and stood up, placing his hand on Sam’s shoulder, so he did the same.

“We’ll be in the kitchen preparing coffee, we already bought some croissants on our way here.” Steve said from the threshold, Sam already gone, and he closed the door with a wink.

“Lovely.” Bucky muttered, slightly pissed. He ran his hand through your bed hair and kissed you, his tongue sliding in your mouth, deepening the kiss. You slipped your hand through his hair tugging gently to press him closer to you. He let out a sharp breath when you bit his lower lip, and you gracefully stood up. He was looking at you, his eyes full of pure bliss and adoration, your eyes roaming his body, taking in his swollen lips, disheveled hair and toned chest.  _ He looks like a greek god, annoying _ .

You took one of his shirts and put it on, leaving him in the bed. The strong smell of coffee and rain made your body shiver, Sam and Steve’s laughs echoing in the apartment. 

“Smells so fucking good, I’m starving.” Sam gave you a knowing look and you winked at him, making Steve snort and shake his head. 

“You guys should never be together.” Bucky appeared in the room, pointing at you and Sam. You sat on the kitchen counter, and gave Sam a side hug. 

“But  **Bucket** , we are already besties, you can’t keep us apart now.” You said in a high pitched tone, imitating a kid, and pouted. He shook his head and approached Steve and told him something only he could hear.

“Hey man, that’s rude.” Sam said, imitating your previous act. 

“He just told me you shouldn’t receive your souvenir, Y/n.” Your eyes widened, looking at Bucky and Steve in confusion.

 

“Yeah, we bought you something in Florence because your boyfriend, Bucket, told us you loved mythology.” You looked at Bucky, shocked. You got off the counter and jumped into his arms, hugging him and giving him small kisses all over the face. He was laughing wholeheartedly and hugged you tightly. 

“Get a room. Ugh, so gross.” Sam said and you heard a smack, probably from Steve. You let go of Bucky and held his hand, not wanting to break physical contact. Steve left the kitchen and came back seconds later with a box in his hands, which he handed to you. It was a little bit heavy and it had a little brown tag that said in Italian: “Con amore, per te.”  _ (With love, for you.) _

You ran your fingers through the edges of the box, a little bit hesitant. The three of them were looking at you expectantly, so you opened the box.

“Dios mío” _ (oh my god) _ You blurted out in Spanish. You placed the box in the counter and hugged the three of them. They bought you a small statue of the painting The Birth of Venus by Botticelli, one of your favorite paintings. You had tears of joy in your eyes, and looked at Bucky. He was smiling at you like the idiot in love he was and you hugged him, pressing your forehead to his chest.

“I adore you.” You whispered to his chest. If this was how happiness felt all the time, you wanted to feel it forever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually so sorry...
> 
>  
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>  
> 
> You can also follow this series on my tumblr: lokissoul

**_Diary entry nº8_ **

_I’m a little bit worried. I haven’t known anything from Bucky in a week. I know I may be a bit paranoid, but it’s weird. After I met Steve and Sam, he dropped me at home after dinner and a cozy day and he said goodbye with a kiss and a promise to see me next day. He’s not answering my texts and he’s not coming to the coffee shop either._

_Maybe something happened to his family? I don’t wanna bother him very much, so I’ll just wait for him to get in touch. Steve and Sam left again to do a spiritual retirement, so they won’t be in touch for a month. Nat and Wanda are working their asses off and Marie is in Spain, visiting her family for a while._

_It’s starting to feel like winter, and I love that._

 

**_Diary entry nº13_ **

_Almost two fucking weeks. What is going on? I thought I was being too pushy texting him every two days, so I decided to call him. It went directly to the fucking stupid voicemail. Is he avoiding me? No one from the coffee shop has seen him in, the last time he went was with me._

_I said something or did something wrong? I don’t know what to do. Last time I saw him, we were so...happy? Steve and Sam left after breakfast, so Bucky and I decided to jump back to bed to just be together, fucking like rabbits and cuddling, skin to skin and heart to heart. I’m so fucking mad at him, why the fuck would he do this? Without any explanation?_

_Marie is still in Spain, and I barely see Nat or Wanda. I try to focus on my work and it’s going quite well. The coffee shop is finally putting up some fairy lights and they added new teas. I can’t wait to try them!!_

_Oh and I managed to write some more._

 

**_Diary entry nº21_ **

 

_I can’t do this anymore. It’s been three weeks. He’s like a ghost lingering on my mind. I can’t eat, I can’t write, I can’t read and his face appears every time I close my eyes._

 

_I haven’t been in the coffee shop for a few days, every time the bell rang, my heart skipped a beat, hoping it might be him. But it never was._

_The guilt is eating me alive. The memories of him are too painful. Yesterday I remembered one afternoon in his apartment. We were in the observatory room laying down on the floor, a fluffy blanket wrapped around our naked bodies. He was connecting all my back freckles, making constellations and naming them. As I write this, a shiver is running down my spine, my body still remembers his fingertips on my skin._

_I’m so tired of crying and the loneliness. I’ve never felt more alone in my entire life._

_The girls are all away for the holidays, I’m not in good terms with my family and Bucky...Well, Bucky is just, gone._

 

**_Diary entry nº22_ **

 

_I need to know what’s going on. I’m going today to his apartment. This is unbearable._

 

You threw your journal to the bed and got dressed. The warm and cozy grey sweats were too big for you, and you looked at yourself in the mirror. You looked like trash. Your hair was disheveled, your eye bags were more prominent than ever, your normally chubby cheeks were gone and replaced by sharp cheekbones. You could feel your collarbones through your oversized sweater, your hands were shaking and your eyes red from crying. You were a mess. You sighed heavily and pressed your hand to your aching chest, taking a final look in the mirror and leaving your empty apartment.

 

As you drove to Bucky’s apartment, you couldn’t stop hoping for the best. Maybe there was a logical explanation to everything. Maybe he wasn’t in the best headspace and he didn’t know how to ask for help. _Maybe, maybe, maybe._ You turned the volume of the radio up, trying to shut your thoughts, and your heart stopped when [Orion’s Belt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_YTB9M0l-o) started to play.

 

_This mess of emotions got his body questioning_

_Is this feeling alright?_

_He studied my freckles like the constellations_

_And he's looking for signs._

 

A sob escaped through your parted lips, your body shivering. _You can do this, Y/n._ The song kept playing, but you couldn’t force yourself to turn it off and your memories with Bucky didn’t help to stop you from crying.

 

 _Running my fingers through your hair I'm feeling_   
_That your thoughts have left this Earth_   
_Is it worth it? Yes_   
_Is it genuine? Can I love like this?_ _  
Let me give you some reasons_

_Okay, you need to pull off or you are going to kill yourself._ You told yourself, you couldn’t see the road ahead, your vision blurry from the tears spilling. Your body was shaking violently, your breath erratic. You parked the car in the first empty spot you saw, and tried to breathe as much as you could. _Inhale, exhale._

 

 _When your hands running down my body_   
_It's like a ticket to a cosmic sky_   
_Let your body get used to this_   
_It don't matter where we are_   
_Cause when we're touching we're caressing stars_ _  
Let your body get used to th-_

 

You turned off the radio, sitting in silence. You tried to gather your thoughts, making a mental list of the things you had to say, on top of it was you confessing your feelings to him. You didn’t care if he didn’t feel the same way anymore, you just wanted to get it off your chest for once and for all. After 15 minutes crying to the point you almost threw up, you started the car and went straight to Bucky’s street. No more radio, no more thoughts. Just Bucky.

 

You got out of the car, and fixed your clothes trying to ease your nerves. Once you reached Bucky’s apartment, you chickened. _You can’t do this. You can’t. What the fuck, of course you can. No men will ever have this power over your feelings. You’ll tell him how you feel about him, and if he decides to leave you, it’s his loss. You rock girl, you can do this._

You gulped and raised your trembling hand, knocking at his door two times. You fidgeted, million of possible outcomes running wild through your mind, but none of them prepared for what you had to witness when the door opened, the smile falling from your lips.

Your feelings were overwhelming, you’ve read about the five stages of grief and had to learn them by heart in order to help your friends when they needed you, but you didn’t know anything about feeling them all together. At the same time. In only a second.

 _This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening. 1- Denial._ You closed your fists and tighten your jaw, a boiling rage coming from your insides. _2- Anger. What if this is your fault? Maybe if he asked you for space...3- Bargaining._

You felt your heart literally break inside your ribcage. You knew these feelings happened often to people when they lost a loved one, how they felt a piece of them leaving, their heart never mending. You raised your hand to your chest, and pressed, trying to feel the void you felt with your own touch. _4- Depression_.

You felt a pair of eyes looking at you, confused. You finally gained the courage to look up again. You felt tears threatening to fall, but you squeezed your eyes shut to hold them back and gulped. Everything made sense at that moment, everything fell into place.   _5-Acceptance._

 

“Dot?”

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near!! Thank yall for the love and support!

She was standing there, as beautiful as always, with her long hair framing her features. 

You knew what was going on. He wanted payback, for all the pain you caused him, he made you fall in love with you, to then just abandon you. And he did it with Dot. 

“Hello, Y/n. I’ve missed you so much.” Was she laughing at you? She was smiling at you sweetly, and you were sure there was not a single trace of malice in her eyes. What the fuck was going on?

“Dolores, who the fu-” Bucky’s words died as soon as he saw you standing at his door, his mouth snapped shut and his eyes widened, finally taking you all in. He stepped in front of Dot, and tried to reach for your hand but you backed away as soon as he moved.

“Don’t you dare touch me, ever again.” You turned around and ran down the stairs, never looking back. Not even when his voice echoed behind you.

“Y/n wait! Let me explain!” His voice died as soon as you left the building, you got in the car and drove back home, not a single tear falling this time.

Everything in your life was falling apart and this was the  straw that broke the camel's back. 

You laid on your bed, and the same thought ran through your mind. You had to get out of there for a while. You took your phone and stared at your brother’s contact for five minutes, your eyes were red from crying and you had a terrible headache, you couldn’t keep doing this to yourself. You pressed the call button.

“Hey sis! How is everything?” You sniffed and smiled at your brother’s sweet voice. You had to do this, for you.

“Mom is around? That’s why you’re speaking English?” You sighed, the last thing you needed right now was your mother bothering you. He let out a nervous chuckle and answered a “yep”.

“Listen, Eric, I need a huge favor. You know I can’t stay with mom and dad is totally out of the picture, so, would you mind if I stayed at yours for a while?” Silence. “I will pay rent, it's just that I don’t want to be alone right now.” He sighed, knowing that you were in a very bad place, because you wouldn’t return to Spain if it wasn’t an extreme situation.

“You can always count on me, but what happened? And when are you coming?” You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding and opened your laptop, to book a flight. You explained what happened, well, what you thought that happened, because nothing was confirmed, but you knew it.  _ But he wasn’t like that. Wasn’t he?  _ He was sweet, understanding, caring, funny, selfless, empathetic and a good person. _ You can’t fake those qualities. You just can’t. _

After an hour speaking to your brother about everything, his life, your life, your family, you were sure about this. You needed to leave for a while. Just a short time. You stared blankly at your screen, the flight for tonight looking back at you.

 

Your loud ringtone startled you, waking you up from your nap. You were still asleep when you took the phone call, not even looking at the name flashing on the screen.

“Yeah?” You lazily answered, trying very hard not to fall asleep again. 

“We need to talk, please. Let me explain myself. It’s not what you think.” Fuck. Your brain reacted and you snapped your eyes wide open. You snorted and snapped at him.

“No, Bucky? The girl I saw in your apartment wasn’t Dot? Holy fuck, holograms are pretty accurate these days.” You couldn’t hide the pain your voice was showing, but you couldn’t care less. You heard him sniff and gulp, but before he could speak again, you spoke.

“You really deserve each other. I’m so sorry I crossed your lives. I really am.” You let out a sob and he sighed.

“Please, let me see you and I’ll explain everything. Just give me time to get to your apartment.” You laughed dryly, wiping violently the tears from your eyes.

“You had three weeks to explain yourself, now you’re late.”  _ Give him this Y/n, he gave you the benefit of the doubt, he deserves it too. _ “But fine, meet me at the coffee shop in an hour, I’ve got some things to sort out.” You hung up and hurried to pack, since your plane was taking off in 6 hours. You packed your autumn closet, since in your hometown winter was warmer than autumn in New York.  _ See you in a month.  _ You said to your apartment, closing the door behind you and sighing. This was a good idea.

 

Once you reached the coffee shop, you saw Bucky sitting at your spot, his hands covering his face and his body shaking.  _ Was he crying? _

You stepped in, head held high, your suitcase rolling next to you. You sat down in front of him, and his hands dropped, his ocean eyes looking at you. He was crying, his face was also thinner and the bags under his eyes were even deeper than yours. He was a mess. You were a mess. Your ice queen façade was up, looking at him apparently unbothered, but all you wanted to do was reach out for his hands and hold them in yours.

You cleared your throat, as a sign for him to start speaking. He looked at you and then at your suitcase.

“A-Are you leaving?” You nodded and answered with a dry “hmm”. His eyes filled with fresh tears, that started to roll down his cheeks. Your heart was breaking all over again, but you couldn’t do this to yourself, not again.

“I’m so sorry I ghosted you, I was scared and Dolores showed up at the coffee shop before you came, I was waiting for you an hour before, because I was nervous and I needed time to think and relax. Then she showed up and threatened me to..to hurt you.” He ran his hand through his now longer hair, and wiped his tears. You almost lifted your hand to wipe his tears, but you didn’t. 

“She was in my apartment this morning because she wanted to talk. We had a huge fight and that’s when you showed up.”

“No physical pain is compared to the pain I had to endure by my own, Bucky” You gulped and tried to think rationally. You knew he wasn’t lying, but right now, you had to think this through, but you had a plane to catch. 

“I must go, I’m already late.” You stood up and grabbed your suitcase, but before you could reach the door, you heard him whisper.

“I love you.” 

You shook your head, thinking you were hallucinating and left him, with your heart, in the coffee shop.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end folks hjhssd thanks for reading!!! The songs I mention are: Come back when you can by Barcelona and Ocean by Khalid and Martin Garrix.

The cab drove through the streets of New York, while you were fighting with yourself. Head over heart. Staying or leaving. You did believe him, you knew he was sincere and it was Dot’s doing, but you were tired of the situation, of her. You loved her with all your heart and soul, you gave her everything you could offer and she just hurt you at the end. You couldn’t stop thinking about her all the way to the airport, and you were actually glad you did, because thinking about your friends and Bucky was way too more painful. A part of you wished to really forget about everything and just go back to his arms, but you needed time and space. You knew you loved him, with a pure and raw love, with no flaws, no regrets, but sometimes love wasn’t enough. You needed to let go of your past and forgive yourself for what you did, you needed to move on from Dolores. You had at least half hour more to arrive, so you plugged in your sound cancelling headphones and pushed the shuffle option. When the first seconds of the song played, you couldn’t believe your atrocious luck, but then you understood why it wasn’t that bad. You and Bucky made a collaborative playlist on Spotify, it seemed to be a really long time ago, and the last song was added right after your meeting at the coffee shop. His audacity made you giggle, but tears were streaming down your face when the lyrics hit you.

 

_Please take your time_

_But you’ve got to know that_

_I am taking sight_

_Oh, you look good_

_With your patient face and wandering eye_

_Don’t hold this war inside._

He really was the person you wanted to be with the rest of your life, and maybe it was too fast to think that way, but you couldn’t control that. Maybe if you left, you wouldn’t see him anymore, maybe he would forget about you. Maybe, after all, you were not meant to be together.

_You left your home_

_You’re so far from_

_Everything you know_

_Your big dream is_

_Crashing down and out your door_

_Wake up and dream once more._

You looked out the window, feeling like a complete mess, and honestly, you felt like the protagonist of a sad indie music video. It was raining outside, the teardrops fighting against each other, the ones who arrived first won, the others were just banished as they merged into one single drop. You pressed your warm hand to the window, feeling the coldness of your home, saying goodbye for a while to everything you’d built here.

_Come back when you can_

_Let go, you’ll understand_

_You’ve done nothing at all to make me love you less_

_So come back when you can_

_Come back, I’ll help you stand_

_Let go and hold my hand_

_If all you wanted was me, I’d give you nothing less_

_So come back when you can._

When the song ended, you were a crying mess. You leaned into the window, and drift off into a dreamless sleep.  

“Excuse me, ma’am. We’re here.” A female voice woke you up. You blinked and smiled at her, embarrassed because you had fallen asleep.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sure I’ve been the worst client of the day.” You said, laughing softly. She shot you a huge smile and clicked her tongue jokingly.

“Hey girl, you’ve actually been the best. An hour without mansplaining about my own job and harassment? Sign me the fuck up.” You laughed and for a second, she made you forget why you were at the airport.

“Actually, can I get your number? I’ll be coming back possibly on a month, and it would be an honor to be your break time hour.” She laughed again, and gave you her number. You paid her and got off the car, and before you could turn around and leave, she grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you into a hug. At first, you were confused, but you realized your whole body was screaming for a comforting touch.

“Whatever it is you’re going through, I’m sure you’ll overcome it. Give yourself time and self care, and everything will make sense again.”

“Thank you so much, I really needed this. By the way, I’m Y/n.”

“I’m Megara, but you can call me Meg or whenever you want to.” She winked at you, got in the taxi, and left.

 

You sighed and entered the building, ready to leave everything behind for a while.  _You can do this_. After checking in and passing the security checkpoint, you sat in a starbucks to have a coffee while you waited to board. You were scrolling through your twitter timeline when someone was calling you. It was an unknown number, so you took the call.

 

“Hello?” Someone gulped at the other side, and a shiver ran down your spine.  _Please, don’t be you._

“I know you don’t want to talk to me, so just listen to what I have to say.” You fixed your glasses and pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Go on, Dot.” You said, actually relieved that it was her and not Bucky or the girls.

“I want to apologize. For everything. For all the lies, the broken promises, for Bucky…I know you may not believe this, but I did what I did for love. I still love you Y/n, and I know I will for a long time. But this is not about me, not anymore. I just wanted James and you to break up, but after seeing how miserable you both were and how you looked at each other…” She sniffed and cleared her throat. You knew Dot very well, and she was not the type of person to open up out of the blue, so she really must have felt bad. “I really don’t expect you to forgive me nor I’m asking you to. I saw James after you left, and he told me you were leaving somewhere. He is so heartbroken and it’s all my fault.” Her voice trembled and she started crying, soft sobs escaping her lips. “I’m so sorry I brought so much pain to the two of you. Have a good life and be happy, Y/n.” A single tear fell from your eyes after she ended the call, and you wiped it off before it fell to the table.  _You’ve cried enough_. You stood up and made your way towards the boarding gate.

You took your phone, opened the spotify app and added a song to Bucky’s playlist, then you opened your contact list and texted him.

 

**Y/n:**   _I believe you, sorry I ever doubted you. But I have to do this. I have to get away from the toxicity that poisoned me these past three weeks. I hope you understand and please, take care of yourself. I hope we can fix this in the future or at least be friends. I’ll block and delete your number after sending this text. I will miss you and remember that I will always adore you._

 

* * *

 

****  
_FIVE MONTHS LATER_ **  
**

“Girls, I’m going to work a little bit. I’ll be at the coffee shop! Love you.” You shouted to the apartment before closing the door behind you. It was good to be back. You made your way towards your still special place on earth, your bag full of your drawing materials and your laptop. You were wearing your favorite mom jeans, with high top converse and Bucky’s NASA sweatshirt, stolen a long time ago. You missed him everyday, but you couldn’t find the courage to tell him you were back.

 

You spent a couple of weeks at your brother’s house, but you were slowly killing yourself. You hated your hometown and its people, you weren’t on speaking terms with your family and you had no friends left there. So after those weeks, you booked the cheapest flight you found and ended up living for five months in between Vienna and Bucharest, with just the bare minimum. You worked as a waitress and also had time to draw and write. You had always wanted to do travel journals, so that’s what you did. Every weekend, you visited new cities and countries. You wrote almost three journals. You missed New York with all your heart, and the worst days always were after you skyped with the girls, you really missed them. Marie was a Literature professor in the NYU, Wanda left her shitty job and opened her own library and Nat became the CEO of the New York Times. Meg and you hit it off quite fast, she even came to visit you for a couple of days, and after a goodbye kiss and a promise to still be friends, you realized you were still in love with Bucky.

 

You ordered your regular Earl Grey tea and sat at your spot, feeling happy and content with your life. After a few hours, the small bell from the door rang, making people gasp, cough, clear their throats or fall into complete silence. You frowned, unaware of what was going on and then you turned around, your whole world falling into your feets. There he was, standing in the middle of the shop, staring at you like you were a ghost. 

You stood up and made your way towards him, his eyes widening at the sight of you. You looked beautiful, as always, but there was something different in you. Your hair was shorter, and you gained the weight you’d lost all those months ago, your cheeks had their pinkish color and your eyes were full of joy.  _Is she real?_  He thought, not quite believing he finally was seeing you after all this time. You were now mere inches away, your chests almost pressing together, and before you could open your mouth, you were pulled into his arms. Your body responded immediately, screaming at you that you were finally home. You pushed away, placing your hands carefully on his strong chest and looked at him straight into his eyes.

“I’ve been waiting to tell you since the first day I saw you, that I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.” He smiled, his cheeks reddening and his eyes tearing up.

“I love you so much, Y/n, words could never make justice to all these feelings.”

He pulled you closer once more, tilting his head and kissing you. All the shop burst into claps and cries of joy, even from Susan.

You started laughing and so did Bucky, you held his hands in yours and went to sit on your spot. Like nothing ever changed.

You both were finally home.


End file.
